The Truth About The Elderly

Working at an eye doctor's, I see a lot of older people every day and I've experienced a side of the adorable elderly that most people haven't seen: the klepto side.

At the front desk, we have cans of pens for patients to use while filling out their paperwork. We've tried to make it obvious that the pens belong to the office by wrapping colored duct tape around the top of the pen, making it impossible to pull the cap off. Sometimes people will accidentally put one of our pens into their purse when their finished. It's understandable. I've accidentally stolen pens before. But sweet, little, old ladies will see the pens and their colorful duct tape, and intentionally slide them into their bags.

I once had an elderly woman come in to pay a bill. She gave me cash. When I turned around to pick up her receipt from the printer, I noticed her pull a pen out of the can and admire the purple duct tape on it. When I handed her the receipt, she thanked me and left -still holding the pen. She didn't even try to hide it.

I had another woman notice the taped pens, take one, and start writing with it. Disappointed that the ink color didn't match the tape color, she put it back muttering, "I don't need another black one".

Earlier this week, I also found out that someone had stolen our soap dispenser from the bathroom. Someone loved the smell of our soap so much, that they took it. I suspect a woman, probably elderly. 1. They have purses to hide it in 2. The soap was a very feminine scent 3. Old ladies are our biggest thieves. My coworker replaced the soap with a much bigger dispenser in the hopes it will keep anyone from sliding it into their bag.

My job is so very entertaining!

Dangeresque 2

Jeff and I flew to Colorado for my mom's birthday this last weekend. I think it's just plain dangerous for us to ever go back to my family's house again. Last time we went there, everyone attending ended up with a miserable cold. This time, a majority of family members ended up hunched over the toilet praising the porcelain goddess, calling europe, blowing chunks, ralphing, and whatever other colorful ways there are to say "throwing up". Poor Jeff, with his kidney stone, was in that majority. My sisters Mary and Katie ended up on the couch for the last day of our visit with a puke bucket and occasional sprints to the bathroom.

Now Jeff and I are afraid to go back. The small cold that was spread before escalated in such an extreme manner that we're pretty certain someone is going to die next time. Possibly from a sudden spreading of the bubonic plague.

Of course we're kidding.

To be on the safe side, however, I plan on packing a hazmat suit for our next trip out there.

P.S.~ Does anyone know if the groundhog saw it's shadow or not? Feb 2nd is my mom's birthday and not much else at the time. :)

Stone watch: over?

I think we might have to call it as of last night at 7pm. What happened then, you might ask? The missionaries gave me a blessing. I have no idea when the stone actually passed (or if it has passed -- it might have just stopped hurting and I don't have concrete proof yet), but we'll go ahead and (tentatively) call it then. Now it just feels like I've been kicked in the back twice, once in each kidney. I think it's because I clenched those muscles for 5 days straight. Either way, it looks like it's over and the stone is in my bladder.

Stone watch, day 5 and 3/4

10 tonight will mark the start of the sixth day of my kidney stone. Yay! To mark the occasion, my stomach decided that it was tired of holding food and only moving it one way, so I had a celebratory vomit. Edi's turkey tasted amazing, retaining much of its succulence on the way out. The orange juice and mashed potatoes didn't keep so well unfortunately. My stomach was so excited that I would have this kidney stone into a sixth day that it dry heaved four or five times after it was empty. Unfortunately I flushed the toilet before Cyndi could get a picture for our scrapbook.

If I sound bitter it's because I am. The doctors told me it would almost certainly pass within 2 days. I've already missed three days of work and ruined a vacation over this thing. I had to go to an urgent care here in Colorado Springs to get a refill of percocet. The nurse gave me a prescription of Flomax just in case it would help. That's right, I'm taking a medication that's for old men with enlarged prostates who have trouble peeing. This is what I've been reduced to.

Other than that, Colorado's been great.

Edit: that's the first real vomit I've had in many, many years. Sad day.